D-log:  March 24, 2013

My bad.  Totally.  In the last D-log, I promised to be a more faithful correspondent, and then you didn't hear from me for weeks.  Months, technically.  It's not that I don't think of you.  I'm just a slacker, an easily distracted one.  I actually think of you a lot.  And talk with you.  And watch you perform.  And join you in various audiences.  And see you at Qdoba on Mondays.  And worry about you.  And wonder why you park illegally when there is available parking somewhere else on campus.

I usually spend spring break trying not to think about you (nothing personal, really; I just want a break, like the rest of you, from the day-to-dayness of life at Wheaton).  But this year, I headed south to Florida and got to watch the women's lacrosse and softball teams play against some tough national competition.  Hung out with parents, ate a pulled pork sandwich from the concession stand at one field and drank down a huge Shag-a-Delic from Planet Smoothie at the other field (and enjoyed both).  Spent a few days at a conference down there as well, gathering with about 5000 other professionals who work with college students to…talk about you.  I hope you're flattered.

Actually, I wanted to mention one particular thread of reading and learning I've been doing lately, courtesy of a book called "Generation on a Tightrope," by Arthur Levine and Diane Dean, who were speakers at the conference.  It is a book based on thousands of surveys and hundreds of focus groups with current college students, faculty and administrators, and their findings and interpretations are pretty interesting.  One particular topic in the book is the impact of social media and electronic communications on your lives.  Levine and Dean assert that college students today have weaker face-to-face social skills than previous generations because you tend to do more of your communicating online—Facebook, texting—and on the phone instead of face-to-face, where the ability to read non-verbal cues is learned.  Do you think that's the case?

One of the images that the authors mentioned hearing described over and over from people who work at colleges is an image I see here at Wheaton:  a class ends, students pack up their stuff, walk out of the room, and then, instead of talking to one another, immediately reach for their phones and check messages or call someone.  It is not uncommon on our campus, or most others, to see a pack of students walking together but all communicating with unseen parties.  When the authors discussed this, there were a lot of nods around the room, including one from me.  But the more I thought about it, the more concerned I got, and here's why:  many of you…most of you…are paying a good chunk of change to attend Wheaton.  Part of what you are paying for is to be in the company of other people who attend Wheaton.  The relationships you build with those people are as much a part of this experience as what your professors offer, what your coaches and trainers provide.  Relationships take time and effort to build, and you can't (even if you think you can) engage meaningfully in those connections when you have never disengaged from relationships with your old friends, or your family.  Or at least moved those relationships to a different place in your life.

I'm not suggesting you jettison your high school friends or your parents (I would probably get an earful from your folks if I did).  But there is a limit to the number of people you can be really connected to at one time, and when you come to college, you need to make some space for new connections.  Levine and Dean said that two out of five students—41 percent—are in touch with parents by phone, email, text or visit at least daily.  One in five is in contact three or more times a day.

The authors call this contact with people who live elsewhere "the new tribalism," and write that students—you—are "alone together."  But they don't completely critique this habit, because many of you, in surveys, do indicate you feel a sense of community on your campuses (61 percent).  But the authors  worry, as do I, that you are not learning the necessary skills of face-to-face communication, resolving conflict, seeking out differences with others.  If you are mad at someone via text, you can just stop texting.  If you have a conflict with someone in person, you have to (ostensibly) work it through, which is uncomfortable, but necessary if it's someone you work with, live with, play on a team with.

Anyway, enough of the academic stuff.  It's a good book, and I'd love to have a group of students read it and tell me what they think, but I know that's probably not realistic.  I guess I'll just leave it at this:  maybe once a day, instead of reaching for your phone, notice someone nearby, and have a conversation with them.  If you don't know them, introduce yourself.  In the yoga tradition, Be Here Now.  As the Dorchester, MA-born novelist Dennis Lehane wisely said, “Happiness lies in the person sitting beside you and your ability to talk to them.  Happiness is clear-headed human interaction and empathy.”

Of course, you can feel free to disagree with me on this (like you need an invitation to disagree with me.  Ha!)  Send me a note.  I'll share it in the next D-log, which I promise will come sooner than this one did.

Seniors!  You'll be getting an email from me soon because it's about time for me to begin the process of practicing the correct pronunciation of your names for commencement.  That's a sure sign that spring is here.  Sorry about the weather, though.  I was hoping for some warmth by now myself, but apparently we didn't get the purchase order for sunny, 70 degree days in on time, so delivery will be late.  But soon.  Have your flip-flops ready to go.

See you around the Dimple, Wheaton tribe.

LBW

 Deans Can Be Slackers, Too

 So let me just 'fess up here.  The dog ate my d-logs.  Oh, alright, fine.  I don't have a dog.  But I did not write many d-logs last semester (one, I think), and for that, I owe you an apology.  You know how it goes.  Life gets busy.  Other priorities beckon.  A new season of The Walking Dead starts.  And the next thing you know…

So why does this matter to me?  Because it is important to me that you know me and know that I am committed to keeping you up-to-date on things big and small, and I have not done that well, via the d-log, this past semester.  This has a lot less to do with a desire to communicate with students than it does with the many unexpected and complicated situations that take up time I had previously planned to use to either write a d-log, attend an event, or even sit in the café.  The work we do in student affairs involves both amazing experiences and numerous crises, both of which can sometimes mean that things don't always happens as quickly as some people might hope. 

And when things are stacking up, and I find myself in many, many meetings, writing and reading many emails, talking on the phone, d-logs often move to the bottom of my to-do list.

But there's a price to that, which I've come to realize over the past few weeks, and it's this: that you know me less well than you should.  If I do not put time and effort into our relationship (yours and mine), I can't blame you when you don't know how to interpret what I'm doing or saying.  In this way, we—you and I—are no different than any other people in a relationship.  I've been at Wheaton three and a half years, and I hope that my d-logs, occasional all-student emails and opportunities I've had to meet and talk with you all face-to-face have helped you know how I try to do my work.  I hope you know that being transparent and honest are things I value in our relationship.  The d-logs may seem a bit impersonal on the receiving end, but I hope you know they are very personal on the sending end, and despite the occasional eye-rolling from you, which I can live with, are a way I can maintain that all-important road between us so that when we need to communicate, the road's in good repair. 

So I promise to be better this semester:  at least a d-log each month.  And in return, I hope you'll continue to email or meet with me, to attend the open meetings that SGA sponsors, to share your ideas to make Wheaton better, many of which we have implemented and will continue to do so.  We cannot always share information you'd like to know.  I sometimes have to make decisions you may not agree with.  When that happens, please know this:  I was on the receiving end of those kinds of decisions and conversations on a fairly regular basis as a student myself.  What I remember from those many conversations with my own dean and associate dean of students was that they treated me with respect, even when they probably wanted to kick me into the pond outside their office.  They took the time to listen and respond. That's what I hope you can count on from me:  not always agreement, not always a reversal of a decision, but always respect.  You can also always depend on me responding to your individual emails and invitations to meet with your organizations, something I have done as much as my schedule allows. 

So look for more d-logs full of exciting news  like OUR FROZEN SKATING RINK! And Sophomore Symposium.  Lunch and dinner conversations over the Blue Tablecloth.  And kudos for classmates quietly doing service projects that are changing lives.  Just don't look for me around campus for a few more weeks.  I'm stuck at home recovering from some back surgery (let's just say that if I was lucky enough to be on our Women's Rugby Team, I'd be spending this season on injured reserve) and so am mostly working from home.  But of course, home is where the heart is, and for me, that's Wheaton—a short  walk across campus. 

You know how to reach me.  Stay warm.

Lee

November 14, 2012

 Dear Wheaton Students,

How can any one 75-minute meeting produce such a diversity of reactions from those in attendance?  I guess it's when those in attendance come from such different perspectives themselves.  That is both the best and hardest thing about Wheaton:  we are a community of different ideas, experiences and viewpoints.  That is our strength.  But such differences can thwart us as we try to preserve our rightful places in that very community.

Since yesterday at 5 pm, I have received numerous emails, and had several conversations, with many of you.  It seems as though each comment made by every individual at yesterday's meeting has been deconstructed in an attempt to discern its meaning and merit.  Some examples I've heard?   I said too much about something, says one of you.  I said too little about that same thing, says another.  We shared too many specifics.  We were too general in what we shared.  This was an isolated incident.  This sort of thing happens all the time.  Students are to blame.  The administration is to blame. 

As Oscar Wilde said, "The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple."  Nonetheless, we owe it to Wheaton--to the 177 years of students, staff and faculty who have gone before us and those who will come after us--to pursue it with integrity.  And that is what we will do. 

In the immediate:  We will continue to try and determine who was responsible for the bias incident at 17 Howard.  We will also investigate, with equal determination, the recent bias incident at the softball field, which was also in the form of hateful, scrawled comments.  We will follow up on every report of disrespectful and hurtful activity and will hold our Honor Code up as our goal.  Our Honor Code is aspirational.  It is a vision for our community.  Someone once described "vision" as "a target that beckons," and we will continue to keep our eyes on that target as we move closer toward it with every day and every action.

I’d like to announce a plan from the Division of Student Affairs:  Blue Table.  These will be unmoderated and informal conversations over lunch with any student who wants to join in.  There will be at least one staff member there, but the purpose is to encourage conversation among students.  The first of these will happen this Friday, November 16, in Chase Square at 12:30ish.  I will be at a table, which I’ll cover with a blue tablecloth so I’m easy to find.  If you’d like to join me, please do.  No agenda other than sharing what you’re thinking about—reactions, ideas, concerns.  We will continue these, in both Chase and Emerson, after Thanksgiving.  

The Student Government Association has taken up the charge, and will communicate directly with you about their plans for a major campus initiative.  Resident Advisors are also working on ways to address these and related issues. 

 There are no easy answers, as you are reminded of every day in your classes.  But the questions are worth asking, and these conversations will allow us to do that.  Several of you said (so I assume others also thought) that you wished we had meetings like yesterday's more often.  I wish the same thing, and I will find a way to do that.  But we have to do this work together or it means nothing.  Over 250 of you put your names on paper yesterday in that meeting, and I will take that to assume you want to continue this conversation.

Communities  larger, older, richer, than our little college have been crushed by the kinds of challenges we face.  But we will not be.  I just need you to believe in this place and commit your considerable talents to pursuing that vision stated clearly in the Honor Code, committing to act "honestly, responsibly and, above all, with honor and integrity in all areas of campus life."  It's hard to argue with that goal. 

Best,
Lee

As we get hints of the warm spring weather on its way, I’d like to ask a few moments of your time to remind you of a couple of important things:

First, no matter how warm and sunny it is, no matter how exciting events like Spring Weekend are, no matter how close we are to the end of the semester and commencement, the college’s alcohol policies remain in effect.   The short version:  Underage drinking is prohibited, as is providing alcohol to underage people.  Public drinking is prohibited except in areas designated by the college for that activity.  Public intoxication that leads to dangerous or destructive behavior is out of bounds, too. 

The most important name for you to know is this:  SAMM (Safety Always Matter Most).  You will not get in trouble if you call for help for yourself or a friend.  Not to say we won’t have a chat, but please don’t let fear of getting caught keep you from saving the life of a friend.

Second, the college has a strong sexual misconduct policy which I encourage you to familiarize yourself with.

I want to particularly point out the definition of consent as covered in the first section in the policy, especially the fact that consent must be given verbally and cannot be given by someone who may be considered incapacitated.

Violations of these policies can result in very serious sanctions, including suspension and expulsion.  Please don’t be this semester’s cautionary tale.

Lastly, I want to emphasize in the strongest possible way this point:  noncompliance or disrespect shown to college staff, including Public Safety officers, will not be tolerated.  College staff have the right to expect that students and their guests will abide by requests staff make of them.  These requests should not have to be made twice.  Housekeeping and Grounds staff also work very hard for you.  Please show your appreciation for their efforts by cleaning up after yourselves. 

I know that when the weather gets warm, I get into a pretty darn good mood, and I know you do, too.  I really want those good moods to last.  Getting yourself into some serious trouble will likely ruin your mood.  And having to figure out what to do with you should that happen will surely ruin mine.  Can we please agree, as adults and fellow Wheaton community members, to be committed to each others’ good moods for the remainder of the semester?  I’m in.

Thanks for reading,

Lee

Spring Break is fast approaching, and along with it, for some of you at least, a week’s worth of downtime and memorable activities, maybe even a vacation in an exotic location.  Perhaps you’ll be tempted to tattoo something onto your skin to commemorate the trip, or a romantic interest, or something along those lines.  To you I say, remember this:  a tattoo is a fashion statement.  No disrespect to those of you who have them, but tattoos are the accessories of this era.  To put it in its proper context, think about an item of clothing that you bought three years ago and thought was absolutely the baddest thing out there.  But you don’t wear it anymore, because you don’t want to look dated and uncool and clueless about fashion (like I do when I use words like “baddest”).  What if you had to wear that item, though?  Every day?  For the rest of your life?  Gladiator sandals?  Crocs?  White-framed sunglasses?  Diesel jeans?  Or try this:  Look at your mother’s high school senior portrait and the hairstyle she was sportin’.   Does she wear her hair that way today?  What if it was a permanent style, instead of just a perm?  I’m just saying.  So go ahead and pierce every appendage you can find, but think twice before you get a tattoo.  As a former department chair of mine used to say about faculty tenure, “It’s more permanent than marriage.  Just look at the statistics.”  [Update:  Some of you have rightly pointed out that my comments about tattoos are unfair to those who make thoughtful decisions to enter into this lifetime commitment and who treasure your tattoos for one reason or another.  Sorry!  You were fair to take me to task on this, and I do apologize for being dismissive.  Thanks for your respectful challenges to my assertions.]

But that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy your time off from classes, whether it’s spent lounging poolside, working extra hours at Bertucci’s, obsessing over your honors thesis, or enjoying some home cooking and playing Bananagrams with your little sister.  Relax and have at least some good downtime.

I’ve been having a good time lately, and it isn’t even break yet.  I saw a great performance of The Vagina Monologues in the Chapel last Thursday.  Special kudos to Madeleine Goldsmith and Laura Goldstein, who made me cry and laugh, and many thanks to all the great performers and tech crew.

A week earlier, I went to the TRYBE Gala and was, as always, blown away by the work that must go into learning about 30 different dances.  The Gala is one of my favorite Wheaton events for both the performances and the crowd, which is quite different from the crowd at, say, a performance by a classical cellist like Alisa Weilerstein (a can’t-miss event as well, on March 28).  Similar levels of appreciation for the artistry, very different expressions of that appreciation.

It is pretty amazing here to stop and look around at the activities available to students, staff and faculty willing to look up from their books or iPads.  Want to be intellectual?  Check out WheaTalks on March 26.  Artsy?  Ten-Minute Plays Festival on March 25.  Crazy?  Safari Dance on March 23.  Hipster and mellow?  The Lyons Den just about any night.  Rabid fan-like?  The baseball, softball, men’s and women’s lacrosse , men’s tennis and track and field teams all open their seasons in a flurry (hopefully not the snow kind) in the next few weeks.  It’s an absolutely crazy time, packed with numerous activities, obligations and panic.  While the stretch between the start of spring semester and spring break always feels to me like it lasts about five months, the eight-week period after break feels like it goes by in a flash—like we’re all in a little red wagon that’s screaming downhill with no breaks until we crash in a heap in the middle of May, just in time for finals.   Know what I mean?

Other stuff:  As I always do on Monday morning, I looked at the weekend’s incident reports, and saw that there were several thefts on campus this past week—cash from an unlocked locker in the fitness center, an iPhone that had been left on the GATRA bus, a laptop from the library, a bike.  All but the last one was a fairly easy pick.  Look—as much as you want to believe we all live in a happy little place here, I can assure you (because I read reports like this every week) that we have people among us who steal.  Some may be students, some may be visitors.  It doesn’t really matter if it’s your stuff that’s stolen.  So please keep your belongings close by or locked up, please report anything you see that looks out of the ordinary, and please make sure your computers, iPads and phones have some sort of find-me apps on them (that’s what allowed Public Safety to find and return the missing iPhone to its relieved owner).

Sadly, I also read about two incidents of vandalism in this week’s incident reports:  broken windows in Metcalf and Everett.  Stupid, stupid stuff, folks.  Money wasted, housekeeping staff given more work to do, and other students frustrated, including one who wrote to me:

“As I was walking downstairs this morning I encountered two shattered windows and a few glass bottles shattered on the floor. I am very frustrated that every weekend my peers choose to disrespect our building by vandalizing it. I am also upset that the housekeeping staff has to deal with the aftermath. As I was walking back into the dorm, I saw a janitor sweeping up the glass, and I went to apologize that he had to clean up other people's messes. He replied to me by saying it was alright because the students had to vent somehow. I am upset that this janitor expects to come to work on Sunday to clean up everyone else's mess. I'm also embarrassed to wake up and see so much property destroyed every weekend. I'm wondering if you have any suggestions about how I can make a positive change that will reduce either the amount of vandalism or increase people's respect for our school's property.”

I’ve always been bothered by the lyrics of John Mayer’s song, “Waiting on the World to Change,” thinking that it’s an ode to passivity, rather than a rallying cry to work hard to create change.  I've worried that it somehow characterizes a generation that won't do the hard work of change.  So I’m happy to see students challenge the system, share their frustrations, debate and argue with one another, and remain reasonably respectful while doing so.  I’m glad to have Mayer’s assessment proven wrong by the students of Wheaton.  You are worthy of your own lyrics.

So now what?  You’ve had your say. You were heard.  You might be wondering what the next steps are.  Because there have to be next steps.  We will not charge different fees for different housing, but the problem of Wheaton’s financial challenges has not gone away, just like it hasn’t for colleges and universities across the nation and nations around the world.  Many of you said this process has renewed your faith in, and affection for, Wheaton.  But every community is made up of people doing things, small and large, on behalf of that community.  Some have promised to support Wheaton financially, but many of you can’t do that, at least right now.  So I’m going to ask you to put your efforts into a few tasks that can make a difference.  Please consider doing these:

• Prevent—assertively-- your classmates from vandalizing the campus.  We spend tens of thousands of dollars every year repairing and replacing things that were damaged for no reason other than someone wanted to attract attention or impress others.  Those tens of thousands of dollars could be spent on improvements to residence halls—new lounge furniture, renovated bathrooms, fresh paint.
• Recruit students to Wheaton.  As I said on Tuesday night, 80 percent of our operating budget comes from tuition and fees.  Having a strong applicant pool allows us to grow a bit and increase that operating budget.  Talk Wheaton up to younger friends and relatives.  Tell them what a special place this is.  No one is listened to more carefully than a current student.
• Tell your alum friends to give to the Wheaton Fund, even if it’s a small gift.  That money helps provide scholarships and operating dollars for the college.  Plan to do the same when you graduate.  Yes, you’ve paid a lot to be here, and you may have loans to repay.  But every day, you benefit from the generosity of others, and it’s just plain good karma to pay it forward.  A $100 gift is about the same cost as having an inexpensive cup of coffee every week at Starbucks (not that there is such a thing, but you know what I mean).
• Cheer on Wheaton’s athletic teams.  Seriously—this matters beyond supporting the athletes (which is good on its own).  At every game or meet, there are recruits and their parents in the stands or sidelines.  Seeing the support Wheaton students have for one another helps us recruit the kind of student-athletes who want to be part of this great community.
• Wear Wheaton swag when you’re away from campus.  Be polite when someone thinks it’s the other Wheaton.  Say, “No—the one in Massachusetts.  It’s an amazing place.”
• Be nice to the staff of Residential Life—RAs, area coordinators, Ed Burnett and Kate McCaffrey.  They are doing great work, making positive changes in many ways, and have had to answer a lot of questions lately.
• If you made a suggestion or had a brilliant idea at the open forum (and there were several), please follow up on it.  Make an appointment to meet with me, or with Dean McCaffrey.  If we’re not the people who can help you make it happen, we’ll connect you with those who can.

Start there.  You will absolutely make a difference.

A few other topics:

This could have been you.

The ice rink?  I still love the idea, just not the 40-degree+ weather that has made it unusable.  I am grateful to the men’s and women’s ice hockey teams that raised the money (and to SGA for their help), but my heart breaks a little each time I walk by it.  I had pictured you all skating, laughing, falling, lifting each other over your heads.  Double axels and triple toe loops, everywhere!  Alas.  I will have to be satisfied instead with imagining you snagging the little magnetic fish we’ll have in the “rink” for the upcoming fishing tournament (thanks, Director of Club Sports and IMs Steve Angelo).

Best-kept secret on campus:  the Davis Café in the Science Center.  Excellent Panini sandwiches and assorted high-end sodas.  I’m a grapefruit IZZE fan myself.  The Café is sunny, quiet, has comfortable chairs and great service.  Take a new friend there and impress him/her.  Book an event there.   Study there.

The Loft:  Great new look and smell.  Soak it up!

The continuing challenge of Balfour-Hood dances:  We have not given up on them.  We are working hard to reconcile the new fire code with the structure we’ve got, and are making some progress.  With any luck, these mass mobs of groping and grinding you all call dances will be back next year (I’m sorry—did I just sound really old there?  I think my mother once used that phrase to describe my own high school dances).

Pats:  Enough said.  On to spring training.

Here’s a number to keep you going (at least it’s working that way for me):  22 days till Spring Break.  Hope these are 22 productive, enjoyable, and safe days (and nights).  Thanks to all of you who sent me nice notes over the past week, and thanks, Lindsey and Margaret, for the treats.  It’s all appreciated.  As my mom, Rita the Queen of Cliches, would have said, “Every cloud has a silver lining, sugar.”  Couldn’t agree more.

Yes, a busy semester, for you as it has been for me.  But I wanted to take some time on this quiet Saturday morning to write about a topic I really don't like to bring up with my students, lest I sound like your parents (not that that's a bad thing; it's just that it's above my pay-grade).  We need to talk about sex. 

This August, I met with first-year students during orientation (at least until Hurricane Irene turned out the lights).  I talked to them about changes we have made to our sexual misconduct policy that are very important for them to understand, because failure to understand might lead to some very bad decisions that could, in turn, lead to their lives being severely impacted.  I'm going to take this opportunity to share this information with the rest of you, as well as repeat it for those first-year students for whom orientation was a blur. 

Why did we make changes to our sexual misconduct policy?  Two reasons.  One is that students requested it.  We had a group last year called the Sexual Misconduct Assembly that reviewed and evaluated our current policy, our outreach and education efforts, and our response to sexual misconduct incidents.  [Let me stop for a moment and explain that when I write "sexual misconduct," I mean sexual assault as well as other actions that fall under that heading, which I'll get to in a minute].  Their efforts have helped make important changes in all of these areas, which you can now find on our website (search on "sexual misconduct" and you'll find all of it).

The other reason is that the federal government, specifically the Office for Civil Rights, has instructed colleges and universities that we must provide certain information and develop a response that follows very specific guidelines.  This is because sexual assault is considered by the feds to be a form of sexual harassment, which violates a federal law against discrimination based on gender, a law typically known as "Title IX." 

So what I'm about to explain to you is the union of some of Wheaton's best thinking and the expectations of a federal agency that will cut off all access to federal financial aid if we disregard their instructions.

What I'm going to do here is tell you what's not allowed, explain two important terms that you NEED to understand, and then tell you what will happen should you find yourself or a friend involved in something that falls under this policy.  Because even if this doesn't happen to you, you may hear from a friend that this has happened to her, or from a friend who has been accused of doing something that violates this policy (sorry for the gender specificity, but I'm going with the 99 percent of sexual assaults committed by men against women). 

Our sexual misconduct policy prohibits all of the following acts:

• Any sexual penetration (anal, oral or vaginal), however slight, with any object (including fingers), or sexual intercourse without consent. 
• Any intentional sexual touching, however slight, with any object, without consent.  "Sexual touching" includes any bodily contact with breasts, groin, genitals, mouth or other orifice, or any other bodily contact in a sexual manner.  It also includes ejaculating semen onto another individual without consent.
• Any disrobing of another, or exposure to another, without consent.
• Any sexual interaction with someone you know is incapacitated by alcohol, drugs, sleep or other condition.
• Sexual harassment, exploitation, non-consensual video or audio-taping of sexual activity.
• Voyeurism.
• Attempting to commit any of these acts (please keep this in mind--it's not about succeeding; it's wrong to even try).
• Aiding others in committing any of these acts.
• Retaliating against someone who has brought a complaint or participates in an investigation of sexual misconduct.

There are two absolutely critical terms in this policy:  incapacitation and consent.  "Incapacitation" does not mean "had a couple of beers," except...it could mean that.  A couple of beers might incapacitate someone, especially if s/he is on medication. So no, it's not a violation to have sex after drinking, but it's a violation to have sex with someone whose judgment is impaired in any way, and that, friends, is a very difficult assessment to make, especially if you've been drinking yourself. 

The second term is "consent."  It cannot be given by someone whose judgment is impaired.  It must be verbal (I can't stress that enough) and clear. As in "yes, I want to do this." 

Silence should not be interpreted as consent.  Neither should lack of resistance.  Consent for one act is not consent for another act.

Yes, I know.  You're thinking that rules like this are something of a buzz-kill.  A knife to the heart of the romantic moment. And I agree that there is a lot of grey area in those terms.  But here's the thing:  if you find yourself charged with a violation of this policy, you will be in a position of defending your interpretation of "incapacitation" and "consent" to a hearing board, and if their interpretation doesn't match up with yours, you may be found responsible for sexual misconduct.  This is not a place to exercise your appreciation of ambiguity.  Know what I'm saying here?

I want to be clear:  if something like this happens, we have good resources and a fair process in place to respond.  But nothing we do at that point can erase what has happened, or the pain of going through that process.  So even though I'm confident in how we handle these matters, my preference is that we never have to. 

But if you or a friend are assaulted, or you are accused, we will do our best to help.  It's just that we can't fix everything.  And that's why I'm writing this.  It is not an easy thing for me to write (believe me; I have a hard time talking to my students about semen, and that's why I have this job rather than one as, say, a high school health teacher).  I imagine it is difficult for the parents who read the d-Log to get through this without thinking of their students being involved in one way or another with this.  And for prospective students and their parents, well, all I can say is that every dean of students on every campus in this country thinks these things, deals with these issues, and sees the damage done in the wake of sexual misconduct.  I'm just trying to honor my promise to my students that I will always be honest with them. 

And I am being honest here.  My colleagues and I have dealt with enough of these situations in our careers (and really, one is too many).  We have seen students devastated by the experience of being assaulted.  We have seen students suspended and expelled for doing things they didn't think were any big deal.  We have known parents of both who have been utterly broken by watching their children go through this, on either side. 

I cannot be there late at night after you've been drinking, when your decision-making is seriously compromised.  I cannot flip on the light switch and ask you what the heck you are doing.  I cannot tell you at some critical moment in your evening to stop, think, say no, scream, ask permission, go home with your friends, switch to Coke, have an honest conversation with the woman or man you are or are not interested in having sex with.  I cannot poke you in the ribs and point out a friend who needs you, the non-drinker, to step in. I cannot post this policy in your rooms (well, I suppose I could, but that seems a bit excessive). 

What I can do is what I'm doing:  giving you notice.  Telling you to take care of your friends. Telling you to consider your parents and how it would feel for them to get a call from me saying either "Your daughter says she was raped," or "Your son has been accused of sexual assault."   Telling you to have enough respect for yourself and for one another that you don't do something that will ever, EVER require you to search "sexual misconduct" on our website to read all the information that's there, or to remember that once upon a time Dean Williams put all this stuff in her d-Log in a desperate attempt to keep you safe.  But that's what I did.  I hope it makes a difference.

At least that's how it feels to me.  Those of you who have been slogging through Organic Chemistry and Microeconomics (slogging, yes, but LEARNING EVERY DAY, right?) probably feel like your break can't come quickly enough.  Your brains are weary, I know.  That much I can relate to.

For those of you new to Wheaton, welcome to the D-Log, my occasional missive to students in which I comment, question, puzzle and poke as the mood strikes me.  I generally pronounce it "dee-log," though if you're particular about such things, you can try rhyming it with "blog."

So, back to this semester.  We started with a storm that was light on rain, heavy on wind, which meant light on flooding (good), heavy on downed trees (bad).  We were without power from Sunday afternoon till Tuesday afternoon, powered only by generators, sunlight and the enthusiastic reaction to delaying the start of classes for two days (calculated at about 50 megawatts, more from seniors).  Many of you went home, either to your own place or to a friend's.  Some of you hung out in hotels.  And still others of you circled the campus for two days until we told you it was okay to come back.  About a hundred of you remained here, hunkered down in Meadows and YMC next to generators that were as subtle as a Boeing 767.  You huddled around street lamps charging your laptops and phones.  You played BOARD GAMES!!  Are you kidding me?  You still know how to do that?  I was greatly moved.

And then there was light.  And hot water.  And all was well.  So the semester began, with a bit of a bump in the Wheaton road, a first week of college that our class of 2015 will always have as a bonding experience.  Fifty four years from now, when you return for your big reunion, you will smile and remember a time when you could comfortably sit around a lamp post and talk for hours.  When you could stay up past 10 pm.  "Aah," you'll say to one another at your class cocktail hour.  "Those were the days!  Please pass the cheese cubes. "

Of course, the fact that the trifecta we call Homecoming/Family Weekend/Admission Open House followed quickly on the heels of opening, with a visit from the Trustees and the dedication of our new Mars Center in the mix as well, made September even more crazy.  I hope you enjoyed the many (many, many) festivities as much as I did.

Okay, enough of the sweet stuff.  Onto a more serious matter.

You might have noticed a few weeks ago that someone kicked in the glass doors of Balfour-Hood.  Shortly thereafter, they were repaired, to the tune of $1800.  That's $1800 we now do not have to spend on some much nicer things, like carpeting or some new furniture in a lounge, or a permanent repair to a ceiling leak.  Each month, we have to spend hundreds of dollars replacing broken windows, walls and doors that someone, for a reason that eludes me, thought it would be impressive to kick or punch in.  By the end of the year, vandalism has cost Wheaton—specifically, you— tens of thousands of dollars in material and labor.  Then when I go to the folks in charge and ask for some much-needed improvement in Balfour-Hood or a residence hall or house, they turn the piggy bank upside down, shake it (no sound there) and say, "Sorry, Lee.  We used that money to fix things broken by vandals."  I walk away empty-handed and really, really sad, because I know that it is a tiny percentage of Wheaton students who do this.  The cost, however, is borne by all of you.

This year, SGA wants to do more to combat vandalism, but first, they need to better understand why it happens.  So I'm going to ask you to email your president, Alex Schibanoff, and tell her why you think it happens, why people who witness it don't always report it, and what we all can do to prevent it.  She will take your input to the group that wants to work on this problem.

So many other really great things going on that I'd rather get back to that.  Amazing concerts by your own a cappella groups (even Ben Folds would be impressed at the variety of music our groups perform).  Lectures aplenty, thanks to both student organizations and faculty who know the value of outside-the-classroom intellectual stimulation.  Weekly farmers’ market.  Games, meets and matches galore from our soccer, tennis, volleyball, field hockey and cross country teams.  Too much to keep track of?  If you haven't already, download the Wheaton Now app on your iPhone or Android.  It will give you a calendar of all events, news about Wheaton (including results), and even the weather in Norton so you can plan when to wear your polka-dot rainboots.

Speaking of technology, please encourage your parents to join the Wheaton Parents Facebook Group (or search FB for “Wheaton Parents Association”) where they can talk to me, talk to one another, and generally fret over you without involving you.  The big upside of this for you is that they will have someplace else to go on Facebook, rather than your wall.  "Look over here, mom!"  Distraction is a good thing for parent-child relations.

So that's the first d-log.  If you want to get an email when they come out, please send me a note and I'll add you to the email list.  Otherwise, you'll get a general email to students announcing a new one's been posted.  If you have a comment or a question or a suggestion about something I should address here, I'd be happy to hear from you.

I'll be gone for the next couple of weeks, off to visit some of your classmates who are spending the semester in Bhutan.  While I'm gone, please behave for Dean Jack and Dean McCaffrey.  Jack, Kate:  bedtime is 10 pm, firm.  No caffeine or sugar after dinner.  And don't believe them when they tell you their work for class is all done.  There's always more to learn.

So it's time to say see ya, seniors, and send you on your way into the world beyond Wheaton, where great things await you (provided you have studied reasonably hard and behaved yourselves reasonably well;  if that's not the case, I'm not offering any guarantees).

It's truly a great time of year.  Finals are over, the last geranium has been planted, and many of you have left campus to begin your summer adventures all over the world.  And all that stands between me and my summer adventures are…Senior Week and Commencement/Reunion Weekend.   It starts on Monday with the Thesis Parade, and will conclude after Commencement with various reunion activities all over campus, where the men and women of earlier Wheaton days will sit around and reminisce about Dimple-diving, Jay Goodman's classes, going co-ed, and things that I, as the dean, don't really want to know about (some things never change).

It's been a good year for me, and I hope you can say the same for yourself.  I have learned a lot, had a lot of fun with colleagues, tried some things that didn't work, tried some things that worked really well, watched some winning games and some losses, did not fall off my Razor, but did trip numerous times on the loose pavers in front of the Science Center door.  So here's a quick report on some things you may have wondered about.

A year ago, Professor Kersti Yllo and I led a meeting in the Chapel in the wake of an alleged sexual assault.  Students said pretty clearly that they wanted a better understanding of the process Wheaton uses to respond to sexual misconduct, and, in fact, might even want a different process.  Professor Yllo  was kind enough to accept my invitation to co-chair, along with a very new Associate Dean and Director of Residential Life Kate McCaffrey and two capable students, Emily Firment and Max Enos, a group called the Sexual (Mis)Conduct Assembly.  The co-chairs sought help from all over campus to take on the formidable tasks of reviewing all of our processes and policies, our educational efforts, and our support for alleged victims of sexual assault and sexual misconduct.  The Assembly will present a formal report in just a few days, but I can assure you that we have not waited for the formal report to start making positive changes, some of which I'll list here:

• We have restructured our Sexual Assault Response Team into SMART (Sexual Misconduct and Assault Resources Team), which now will have faculty and student members, and will oversee the outreach and education efforts related to sexual misconduct.
• We added hours to an existing position in the Counseling Center and this summer will hire a SMART coordinator who will devote at least 10 hours a week to these efforts.
• We applied for a $300,000 grant from the Office of Violence Against Women, and if we get this three-year grant, will have ample funding to work closely with New Hope, the local rape crisis center, on regular training and outreach, along with other services.  If we don't get the grant, we will still build these important relationships, though will not be able to do as much.
• We revamped the website to provide more and better information about what to do if you or a friend are a victim of sexual assault.
• This summer, we will rebuild our entire conduct process and create a new administrative hearing board comprised of faculty and staff who will be thoroughly trained in adjudicating sexual assault and sexual misconduct matters.  We will also receive training on new techniques in investigating sexual assault charges.

I am grateful to the members of the Assembly, especially its co-chairs and its workgroup chairs.  Their efforts will make a real difference in the lives of students at Wheaton.

I've also been thrilled to see the work of the Yellow Wood Commission, and encourage you to read and react to their report.  I look forward to working with the groups that will develop out of this plan to provide a better alcohol policy, better programming, better education and better support for students who are struggling with high-risk drinking behaviors.  I'm especially proud of the 18 Wheaton students who made the very big commitment to take an Emergency Medical Technician class this semester and will become our first class of Wheaton First Responders in the fall.

I'm really excited about the Science Center, but can't take any credit for that.

I'm incredibly pleased by the changes I've seen in the Department of Residential Life this year, especially in the way that RAs have stepped up.  Our program is only as good as our frontline staff, and those of you joining the team next year have some big shoes to fill.

The purchase I'm most proud of:  the pedestrian crossing signs on East Main Street.

Team of the year?  Women's tennis.  A tremendous season.  I'm sorry to see these very talented seniors take leave of us, but know they will continue to represent Wheaton well.

And speaking of Wheaton athletics:  I think my favorite moment of the entire year didn't happen here in Norton.  It happened in San Antonio where I watched Merzudin Ibric receive the NCAA Inspiration Award, and heard him thank his coach and others at Wheaton, and I was reminded what a special place this is.  Wheaton gives people chances, and sometimes that's all they need.

My second favorite moment?  Might be the visit from Cameron Stewart and Grace Ferguson-Pell last week, who brought me a game ball commemorating the first ever "home game" of our two terrific rugby clubs.

Third favorite moment wasn't really a moment, fortunately.  I left the Chapel about one minute before the streaker arrived to entertain the freshmen who were gathered for the Candle-lighting Ceremony.  Phew!  That was close.

There were many more, but I'll keep them here in my heart and share when appropriate.  If you've been part of them, though, please know how grateful I am.  I am honored to be your dean, and thrilled at the many ways you share your lives, your thoughts, your opinions, your spirit, your humor and your affection for Wheaton with me.

Seniors?  My final words to you (other than reading your 400 or so names next Saturday) are some of my favorite words, courtesy of the most excellent songwriter Jackson Browne, who wrote a wonderful song called "For a Dancer" back when you had to buy your music on vinyl.  It's a great song—download it asap.  And it's what I hope you'll be singing as you drive off from Wheaton, for the last time as a student, and for the first time as an alumna/us:

"Keep a fire for the human race
Let your prayers go drifting into space
You never know what will be coming down
Perhaps a better world is drawing near
And just as easily it could all disappear
Along with whatever meaning you might have found
Don't let the uncertainty turn you around
Go on and make a joyful sound

Into a dancer you have grown
From a seed somebody else has thrown
Go on ahead and throw some seeds of your own
And somewhere between the time you arrive
And the time you go
May lie the reason you were alive
But you'll never know."

Adios, dancers.  Make that joyful sound.  You are ready for your next step.

Lee

And that, of course, turns my thoughts to you, young Lyons.  You're just about at the equivalent of that 20-mile mark, and you may feel your legs beginning to cramp up.  To you, I say, soldier on!  You can even borrow my musket.  The semester will end, and you will have days to sleep and nights to relax without the guilt of a paper to write or a book to read. 

Before that, however, we will experience the runner's high of Spring Weekend.  Get Your Neon?!?!  That is way clever.  The full schedule is available on those posters you'll be seeing throughout the coming week, but that, of course, is not what I want to mention.  I'd like to take this space to remind you that yes, the rules apply during Spring Weekend.  Rules that require you to be respectful, in control of your behavior (and your guests' behavior), follow state and local ordinances, and clean up after yourselves.  I'd like to add "thrifty, clean and reverent" to that list, but I know my limits. 

If you choose to attend Spring Weekend events, please leave at home any open containers, backpacks or coolers, along with any alcohol.

Bottom line:  ignoring the rules and the Honor Code during Spring Weekend can have serious consequences, as some have learned the hard way:  you can be suspended or expelled, or, less drastic but still disappointing, be prohibited from participating in Senior Week or Commencement.  Seniors—I don't imagine you want to explain to your parents why you won't be marching with your class on May 21^st.  As I like to say around here, in my best dean of students voice, don’t risk what you are not willing to lose.  So please—be smart, have fun, and take care of one another. 

A special note to my friends who live off-campus in houses that have a certain reputation with the Norton Police.  The police know it's Spring Weekend and will likely be out in greater numbers than usual.  Please manage your abodes appropriately.  We've had an excellent year in this regard, so let's keep that going. 

I've gotten a few questions from students of late, so let me share the answers with all of you.

Nick commented, "The new Science Center is pretty big.  Is it going to open on time?" 

Yes, the Mars Center, as it will be called, is darn big.  And pretty, too.  All reports are that it is on schedule, so barring any unforeseen complications, it will be up and running when you return in the fall.  

Caitlin asked, "Why are you changing the housing rules and allowing more first-year students to live on upper campus?"

Actually, the number of rooms reserved for first-years on upper campus, all of them doubles, is not much greater than it was this year.  When we opened last fall, we had about 70 first-years.  This year, we held 80 beds.  I realize there are upperclass students who want to live in singles on upper campus, but there simply aren't enough of them, and it's not because we're housing more first-year students there.  If you don't have a good lottery number, you may have to make a choice:  double room on upper or single on lower.  This is often how life works.  If you chose a single in Meadows, you chose well.  I think you'll find the newly-renovated rooms to be quite nice.  And for those of you who say you don't like living with first-year students?  You were once one of them, and so you know you can have a positive influence on them if you want.  Try being something of a role model, and I suspect most of them will rise to the standard you set. 

Here's my question for you:  What is so hard about placing an empty beer can in a trash barrel?  Just wondering. 

Some other stuff going on:  The two hardest-working groups in the policy review business, Yellow Wood Commission and the Sexual (Mis) Conduct Assembly, are wrapping up their work and about to announce recommendations for new policies, protocols, programs and initiatives.  I am proud of all the members of these groups, and grateful for the care and thoughtfulness with which they’ve approached this complicated work.  In the next few weeks, you'll be hearing from the co-chairs of both groups about what those recommendations are, and from me about next steps.  I have this sense that we are in the midst of some historical change at Wheaton thanks in large part to the work these students, faculty and staff have been doing.  We are finding ways to address behavior and attitudes that reflect the most positive aspects of this community.  We are moving away from punitive responses to responses that expect and encourage mature and respectful behavior.  More on all of this later, but thanks again to the fine Wheaton family members who have devoted their time and energy to these efforts for three semesters (Yellow Wood) and all this year (SMCA). 

I will see you all next week at Spring Weekend Events.  Be of good cheer as you complete this semester, and folks:  finish the race.  Remember, Heartbreak Hill is actually only an 88 feet elevation gain.  You can do this.  You can.