Coming Out
Coming out is the personal process of accepting your homosexuality or gender identity and disclosing it to family, friends, and/or co-workers. The coming out experience is different for every person. Experiencing denial, loneliness, fear, anger, and depression is common in the beginning, which is often followed by wonderful feelings of acceptance and liberation.It is important to know that the Coming Out process is:
- a life long, ongoing process
- not a linear process (stages are often repeated)
- different for each individual
Coming Out Process - CASS Model
Stage 1 – Identity Confusion
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- “Who am I?”
- Feeling one is different from peers/Sense of personal alienation
- Beginning consciousness of same-sex feelings or behavior
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- Rationalization or Bargaining stage: “Maybe this is just temporary, just a phase”
- Sense of not belonging anywhere: “I am the only one in the world”
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- “I am probably gay/lesbian”
- Beginning contact with other gay/lesbian people
- Barely tolerates own gay/lesbian identity
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- Continued and increased contact with gay/lesbian people
- Beginning to accept more positive self-image
- Beginning to feel a sense of belonging
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- “These are my people”
- Increasing awareness of gap between gay/lesbian and non-gay worlds
- Anger towards non-gays: rejects their values and institutions
- Discloses gay/lesbian identity to more people
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- Anger towards non-gay world decreases
- Realization some non-gay people are friends, allies, supporters
- Some continuing anger at injustice of society’s attitudes/treatment
- Gay/Lesbian identity becomes integrated into personality
For tips on coming out, download the “Coming Out” brochure.